


Uncanny

by Romennim



Series: No-win Situation [1]
Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angst, Introspection, M/M, Multi, POV Male Character, POV Second Person, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-04
Updated: 2013-03-04
Packaged: 2017-12-04 08:11:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/708494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romennim/pseuds/Romennim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How stupid you can still be sometimes; it's almost uncanny.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Uncanny

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Italiano available: [Pazzesco](https://archiveofourown.org/works/708496) by [Romennim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romennim/pseuds/Romennim)



> **Beta:** [](http://writer-klmeri.livejournal.com/profile)[**writer_klmeri**](http://writer-klmeri.livejournal.com/)  

At first, you didn't even recognize it for what it was - is.

How stupid you can still be sometimes; it's almost uncanny. But, in your defense, you never found yourself in such a situation, so you don't feel totally stupid for not recognizing what was right in front of you. The fact that you didn't want it to be real, fervently didn't want to, could have helped your denial even more. But you can't ignore it anymore and you owe it to yourself - or, rather, need - to consider the possibility.

The first time you noticed something - yes, you're pretty sure that was the first time - was during a normal shift on the bridge. Spock had found a strange radiation coming from a solar system not very far from your set course and asked if the Captain would permit a deviation to the course to investigate it better. There were no reason to deny him, and you didn't even think a moment, you just gave the order to change course. You ignored the little excitement you felt at the sight of your obviously eager First Officer. After all, it has always been pleasurable for you to see how your supposed emotionless friend could sometimes betray his innate curiosity for the universe. So you didn't think much about the little unsettling feeling you felt while observing him. You busied yourself reading a report.

But, after one hour and half of that, you couldn't stay seated any more and so you got up, heading towards Spock's station to see what new things he had found. After the two steps to get near the bridge doors, on the level where the other stations were, you lifted your gaze, deciding to get near Spock, but something stopped you. The scene was pretty familiar by then, but you never noticed before the way that lithe body bent to reach the instruments, the curve that body created. A curve that, beginning from his bottom, almost ran to the tip of his ear.

You got lost for you don't know how long, heart pounding and blood rushing in your veins. It was Spock himself that shocked you out of your trance, straightening up - did you ever notice how fit his body was? - and looking towards you, an eyebrow raised in question. You shook your head a bit, trying to clear it. What exactly had happened there?

But there was no time to think about it in that moment and you decided to postpone the reflections. But, as it happened often since you became Captain, you didn't have a moment of peace after that and so you didn't get the possibility to think about that before you noticed other strange things: at meals, while you both were with Bones, you happened to find yourself staring at Spock, at his minute expressions, lift of eyebrows, twitching of eyes, the way his fingers flexed when agitated - because that was what it was - by Bones' reasoning. And you noticed something even more alarming. This new thing of yours that made you stare at Spock was also affecting the way you looked at Bones. You began to notice the deep blue of his eyes, the way his eyes shone while he laughed, the obvious pleasure he got from bantering with Spock. You found yourself often staring at them, as in trance, and when you were shaken up from it, your heart was racing as if you had run a mile.     

And you didn't understand. What was happening to you? Why your best friends? The symptoms almost sounded like the ones.. No. No, no and no.  That was not, really not happening. Not possible. And with both of them. No. It couldn't be, it must not be.

You have never found yourself in love, and you can't be now. Your friendship with both of them is something too precious, too vital to you, to alter it. You can't be in love, because you don't need it. Everything is perfect, and you don't need to ruin it. You mustn't ruin it.

After your realization, you have tried to suppress your feelings: they were useless and a hindrance. But, because of them, you were more able to see their qualities, and your love for them just deepened more.

How fucked up are you to fall in love with not one, but both your best friends, knowing that you can't choose, that you want both of them and that you can't tell them anything to not ruin everything?

And what you fear now is one - or both - of them realizing there's something you're hiding. You try to act as normal as possible, but something must be off, because you can see sometimes the questioning and the worrying in their eyes.

That's not good. That's not good at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on December 13th, 2010


End file.
